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What the Heck Happened?

I've lost so much in the last several years.  I don't even know where to start anymore.  One of the things I lost is my readers.  So no one is even going to read this anymore.  Which, I have to admit, is one of the reasons I've continued to resist writing in my old blog. 

<internal voice>"What's the point?  No one will read it."

<internal voice>"But Robert.when you started writing it wasn't meant for other people.it was meant for you (me)."

In fact when I first began writing, it wasn't even a blog.  It was a Word doc.  I didn't get the blog idea until later when I started seeing other people doing it.  I thought it would be a great way to organize my thoughts and really get in touch with what I was thinking.  And maybe I'd hear from others that thought like I did.

And it was!  I worked wonderfully.  But something else came along with it..readers.  People actually showed interest in what I had to say.  And that made it very encouraging to me.  It was a very satisfying byproduct.

But in the last few years I just haven't wanted to write because I didn't want people nosing around in my badly damaged brain.  And then I don't want to write at all because what's the point if no one is going to read it.

Does that make sense?  I don't know.  But its how my brain is working. 

And another thing that has kept me from writing is work.  It isn't that I've been too busy to write.  I have been busy but that's not the reason.  I've been writing so much for work..so very much.that I just felt like work was getting all my good words/ideas.

I know.that's stupid.  It doesn't work that way.  But that's the way I've been thinking.  Now that I'm writing all this, and the words are just pouring out of me.like they used to..I'm only just now realizing how much I've been keeping stuff pent up inside of me.  One of my main outlets was gone and I wasn't replacing it.

I've been hiding.  But that's a post for another day.  For now, I just want to write down that I'm going to start writing again.  And to hell with the idea that no one is going to read it.  If people come back, they come back.otherwise I'm still going to use this the way I originally intended.  To get stuff out of my head.

So what does that mean for now?  I don't know.  I don't know what the fate of TFG will be.but I know I need to write.  It doesn't matter if no one reads it.  It doesn't matter if it just is a bunch of rambling.  I need this.  I need to get stuff out of my head before it damages me even farther.

So there it is.  I've written a bunch of nonsense to post to the Internet.

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