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September 22, 2006

A bit of a surprise this morning. I hit 271 lbs. Could just be a water thing. That puts me down 3 lbs this week. That's the max I'm supposed to be able to lose in a week. Good for me...but I hope I'm not dropping muscle mass.

Speaking of muscle, I've been trying to get in 8 - 9 hours of recovery time at night. And I started taking protein (just a little) right after my workouts. Let's see what that does. I'll revisit that next week. I need to pick up some reduced fat milk to mix in. I've only been buying Vitamin D milk. I know it has fat in it but I only use it in my cereal two days out of the week. So it wasn't a big deal. But if I'm going to be using it everyday, I need to switch to reduced fat.

Tomorrow marks the end of 'week 5'. From what I've read, after week 5 is when visible changes really start to show up. I hope so. I'm keeping a positive, upbeat attitude toward the whole process but I also know myself. If I don't start seeing results soon, I'll start questioning my method. So...I need to just ignore the mirror and keep plugging away at it.

Funny how I can start this entry with results and then complain about the lack of results shortly after. I know...I KNOW...that I'm making progress. It is just hard to see it in the mirror. I mean I'm 21 lbs down...you'd think it would be more visible. But no. Logically, I know that most of my weight loss has been water and intramuscular fat. Logically, I know that this sort of weight loss isn't going to be very visible. But the part of me that wants immediate gratification wants to see a thinner Robert...NOW. And I am thinner...just not enough.

I'm reminded of a dream I had awhile ago. I dreamed I woke up and was following my morning routine. I walked into the bathroom and took a quick look in the mirror. I was thin. It was amazing. It was me...but thin. No more belly fat, leg fat, chest fat, nothing. I was thin. And I actually FELT thin. I can't really describe what it was like to feel that way. I moved around without effort. I looked down and just saw my feet. I was so happy. Then I woke up and started crying.

I would be easy to let the dream haunt me. But I don't. I focus on it and it allows me to see my goals more clearly. I don't have to wonder what I will look like when I'm thin. I've seen it. I've felt it. It helps to keep me on my path.

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