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September 27, 2006

I left my damn thumb drive at the office so I didn't get any entries done for the last few days.

Official weight for last week was 270 lbs. But I promptly put on 4 lbs on my cheat day. Blah...

It's Wednesday now and I've taken off 3 of those 4 lbs. So, I'm not that worried about it. The other pound will fall off in the next day or so. It's the pound after that that I'm excited about. That will push me into the 260s.

I'm wearing size 40s now. They are still a bit snug, but that's okay.

The added protein in the mornings is making a difference. My upper body weights have been adjusted up.

The last couple days I've been having some light carb attacks. Nothing I can't handle but stronger urges than I'd been having.

I'm worried about today. It's going to be a double whammy. Morale event at Baileys...then a birthday party at Red Robin. I need to be strong and avoid eating ANY of the foods at these places. Baileys I know will not have anything remotely healthy. I'm not sure about Red Robin. I'll have to watch it closely. And NO freckled lemonade!

September 23, 2006

I'm a little worried now. I'm at 270 lbs. I mean hurray weight loss but I hope it is not muscle mass. I need to sit down and figure out what my caloric intake is so I can make sure I'm not starving myself too much.

Mary noticed my weight loss. But she might have just been trying to be polite. I'm noticing differences...small ones. Like my deodorant...yeah...it sounds weird when you say it. What I mean is when I put my deodorant on, I don't have to stretch like I used to. Partly because my 'underarm' is smaller and partly because some of the chest fat that was in my way before is gone.

I tried something last night. I found out that I am able to slide out of size 42 pants without unfastening them.

I'm putting these in again so I can find them more easily.

292 - 2006's old weight
285 - 2005's old weight
272 - 2004's old weight
267 - 2003's old weight
262 - 2002's old weight
258 - 2001's old weight
253 - 2000's old weight
249 - 1999's old weight
244 - 1998's old weight
239 - 1997's old weight
235 - 1996's old weight
230 - 1995's old weight (approx weight I was when I got married)
226 - 1994's old weight (approx weight when I met Heather)
221 - 1993's old weight (approx weight when I moved in with Mike and Mary)
216 - 1992's old weight
212 - 1991's old weight
207 - 1990's old weight
203 - 1989's old weight
200 - Major milestone!
198 - 1988's old weight
193 - 1987's old weight
189 - 1986's old weight
184 - 1985's old weight (approx weight when I joined the Navy)
180 - 1984's old weight (approx weight when I graduated from high school)

September 22, 2006

A bit of a surprise this morning. I hit 271 lbs. Could just be a water thing. That puts me down 3 lbs this week. That's the max I'm supposed to be able to lose in a week. Good for me...but I hope I'm not dropping muscle mass.

Speaking of muscle, I've been trying to get in 8 - 9 hours of recovery time at night. And I started taking protein (just a little) right after my workouts. Let's see what that does. I'll revisit that next week. I need to pick up some reduced fat milk to mix in. I've only been buying Vitamin D milk. I know it has fat in it but I only use it in my cereal two days out of the week. So it wasn't a big deal. But if I'm going to be using it everyday, I need to switch to reduced fat.

Tomorrow marks the end of 'week 5'. From what I've read, after week 5 is when visible changes really start to show up. I hope so. I'm keeping a positive, upbeat attitude toward the whole process but I also know myself. If I don't start seeing results soon, I'll start questioning my method. So...I need to just ignore the mirror and keep plugging away at it.

Funny how I can start this entry with results and then complain about the lack of results shortly after. I know...I KNOW...that I'm making progress. It is just hard to see it in the mirror. I mean I'm 21 lbs down...you'd think it would be more visible. But no. Logically, I know that most of my weight loss has been water and intramuscular fat. Logically, I know that this sort of weight loss isn't going to be very visible. But the part of me that wants immediate gratification wants to see a thinner Robert...NOW. And I am thinner...just not enough.

I'm reminded of a dream I had awhile ago. I dreamed I woke up and was following my morning routine. I walked into the bathroom and took a quick look in the mirror. I was thin. It was amazing. It was me...but thin. No more belly fat, leg fat, chest fat, nothing. I was thin. And I actually FELT thin. I can't really describe what it was like to feel that way. I moved around without effort. I looked down and just saw my feet. I was so happy. Then I woke up and started crying.

I would be easy to let the dream haunt me. But I don't. I focus on it and it allows me to see my goals more clearly. I don't have to wonder what I will look like when I'm thin. I've seen it. I've felt it. It helps to keep me on my path.

September 21, 2006

WOW!!! BIG NEWS! WEEEEEE! I hit 272 lbs. That means I dropped 20 lbs! WOOPIE!!!

Something else happened yesterday that I forgot to enter into the journal. You know when you go down stairs, you do it one of two ways?
1. The slow, careful way
2. The fast way...which is more of a controlled fall

Because of my weight and the problems with my knees, I always did the safe way. I couldn't trust my knees to keep up with the other way. It was second nature for me to take it slow on the stairs.

Yesterday, I was heading down from the 3rd floor and I was half way down when I realized that my legs were moving fast and I was doing the controlled fall. Surprisingly, my knees didn't seem to care. I was keeping up without a problem. SWEET

Jose noticed my weight loss today. That's cool. Guys don't normally talk about weight, so it is not often that some one points out that I'm smaller. Even if they notice, they are more likely to keep it to themselves.

I've been going back and looking at my old entries. I wish I knew what I know now back then. I've lost so much ground in the last year because of one thing or another.

Seriously, I'm feeling great and still excited about my new path. I feel something inside of me...helping me... Its really hard to describe. I KNOW I'm going to make it this time. I've undone most of the damage of the last two years (which was pretty sizable compared to the damage done in earlier years) and then I can keep going and undo more.

The lowest I've ever gotten my weight to since this all started was 252 lbs. I'm going to catch up to that and then I'm going to blow it the hell away.

I've been reading how I can add muscle growth by taking in just a small amount of protein right after my workout. I picked up some whey and I'm going to give it a try.

September 20, 2006

Added ZMASS and an NAC to my plan a few days ago. Take it at night about a half hour before bed. I've been sleeping great and the recovery I get from it has been nice. I feel like a new person when I get up.

Unofficial weight is at 273 lbs! That's down 19 lbs. Not too shabby.

This morning was upper body. I tweaked my weights up so by the time I was finished, I was pretty shaky.

I think back to how I was feeling just a few weeks ago...and it was just 'blah'. I was just drifting from day to day. Looking to TV and video games to give me something to keep my attention focused so I didn't have to think about how I felt inside. The thing was that I didn't really notice I was doing it. All my days were pretty much the same, so I didn't have anything to compare it to. How could I get anything done? It took all my energy just to pull myself through the day. I didn't have any to spare for housework, or yardwork...or anything. It was a real zombie state (kind of like Utah). The first week on the plan was so hard. I was more tired than ever. The term 'drag ass' comes to mind. Before, I was just pulling myself around, but that first week I was dragging my ass around. After that it got lots easier. The workouts were still draining but I was finding that my energy replenished faster...and a few hours after my workouts, I was alert and ready to go. And that 'zombie' feeling is all gone. I haven't felt this awake since...well since the first time I attempted BFL. Now I don't really like sitting around doing nothing for hours. I want to get stuff done. Even in the evenings, when I take my walk, I'm not doing it for the exercise. I'm doing it to get out of the house for a bit and move around

Anyway, I need to wrap this up and get to work. I might add more later.

Oh, I wore size 40s yesterday. Went to Pei Wei with that and a black shirt on. I looked thinner than I have in awhile. I'm still pretty fat but I’m carrying it better now.

Heather bought me some boxers...ah...size 42 - 44. Hey, I could have used those a few months ago. Now they are just something comfy to wear around the house. Lol

If I stay on schedule for this week, I'll be down to 272 lbs at my official weigh in. That will put me to 20 lbs of weight loss. I shouldn't count my chickens before they are hatched (or count my fat before I burn it) but it is nice to add it all up every now and then to see how I'm coming along.

Weight loss aside, I'm making progress in other areas too. My strength has been increasing. Definition in my leg muscles is also increasing. I can FEEL new muscle mass forming up under some of my fat deposits. Oh...and there is the walk thing. I can't remember if I entered this into the journal earlier or not. So hear is the full story...

A few weeks back I took a walk one evening to get some exercise and I bumped into one of my neighbors who was out walking his dog. I asked him if he minded if I came along.

In my mind I was thinking, "This guy is old enough to be my grandpa. Even with my advanced weight, I should be able to keep up with this guy, NO PROBLEM."

We got about half way done and I'm huffing and puffing and this guy isn’t breaking a sweat. And to make it worse, he's telling me about how his dog is getting up in years and having arthritis in one of his back legs. So we have to take it slow for him. Good thing it was night and he couldn't see just how flushed I was or how heavy I was breathing.

By the time I get home, I'm a mess. My shins were killing me, I'm absolutely drenched in sweat, and my ego is bruised because I just got walked to death by this scrawny old man and his arthritic dog.

The good news is I can walk that same distance now without much fuss. I still break a sweat but I don't get winded and my legs aren't complaining. So when I see my neighbor again, I'm going to tell him to 'bring it'.

He'll probably leave the dog at home and show me what he's really made of. lol

September 18, 2006

Official weight for last week is 274 lbs. I had a minor setback...caught a cold. I managed not to miss any workouts but it messed with my recovery times. I read an article that said that moderate workouts can actually help clear congestion...and it was right. I took it easy today but I still did everything I was supposed to.

September 15, 2006

Weird day yesterday. I ate my normal amount but I was still pretty hungry when I went to bed. Took me awhile to fall asleep...5 or 20 minutes (hey, that's a long time for me). But I slept VERY deep. Had a good recovery type sleep.

Unofficial weight is 274 lbs. WOW! That means I'm down 18 lbs from my max weight. And its only Friday. I have two more days before my official weigh in day and I'm already ahead of schedule (the normal 2 lbs a week loss would have put me at 275 lbs this week). I know not to obsess on weight loss. Progress cannot be properly measured in just lost pounds. I know that I'm putting on weight at the same time in the form of new muscle mass. But at my weight, my fat loss should be at a faster rate than my muscle gain.

September 14, 2006

Had trouble getting up this morning. I spent most of yesterday cleaning and organizing our comic books. Geez...when you put them all together you see just how much we have. Anyway...I got about 8 hours but my muscles didn't want to get me out of bed. I went back to sleep for another hour and apparently that's what I needed. Again, I might have to start getting 9 hours of sleep to get the recovery time I need. I'll try it this week.

I squeezed into size 40 pants today. Got them fastened and everything. Then I took them off because I wasn't sure I could do 10 hours of sitting down in them.

Unofficial weight this morning is 276 lbs. That's down 16 lbs from my max.

I'm tweaking my weights up a bit to get closer to my limits on each one. But I need to be careful when lifting so I don't have yet another injury.

Heather got me some new shirts last week. She wasn't sure if they'd fit or not. But they all were great. It would have been a different story if I had been at my max weight.

I don't think we will be going back to WOW (World of Warcraft). I've had so much time to do stuff now that I'm not playing video games all the time. The house is starting to look better and I've started working on Halloween. Which is good because I'm going to need all the time I can get.

September 11, 2006

I didn't realize it was 9/11 until I looked at the date to enter it into the journal. Sort of depressing...but I need to push past it.

My official weight for last week was 277 lbs...that's down 15 lbs. Hurray me :P

Cheat day was eye opening. I'm finding that some of the things that I craved, I don't even like the taste of now. Mostly stuff with high fructose corn syrup. Sprite, Coke, Pepsi...all taste YUCK now. Went to the movies and didn't even finish my Milk Duds. So, I'm going to have to find something else to drink on my cheat days. I had a pizza...that was pretty cool. Had some frozen fruit pops...yum. But all in all I was glad with the day was done. I wanted to get past the heavy feeling.

Doing pretty well today. Didn't have to fight at all to do my work out. Upper body and short cardio. Hit the workout zone a couple times today. That was pretty cool. I had forgotten what that feels like. For a moment I became invincible...unstoppable. Logically I know it is just the release of endorphins, but it still feels cool when it happens.

Heather is starting to come around. She wants to do that plan like I'm doing it but she says she needs 'a trainer' to make her do it. I've tried to keep away from the nagging but it sounds like that's what she wants. So we will give it a try.

September 9, 2006

Saturday...I made it through week 2. :P I've been pretty tired all week. Still not accustom to the higher metabolism. Funny that I'm burning at a higher rate, but it keeps me tired all the time. I'm thinking I might need to switch to a 9 hour sleep schedule to give me enough recovery time.

Anyway...I'll log in my official weight tomorrow...but my unofficial weight is 278 lbs. That's 14 lbs down from my max weight (which was 292...I had to go back in the journal and find it).

Down 14 lbs is pretty good. That's near 5% of my body weight. Not too shabby.

I tried squeezing into a pair of my size 40s...no go. I could get them on...but couldn't fasten them. But that's cool...I'll get there. I'm already doing great. Just need to stay focused.

But overall I'm feeling better. I'm less likely to just sit around all day. I want to get up and do stuff...even if I don't have the energy to do much before resting.

The house is getting cleaner. I usually clean up the kitchen right after my workout. It gives me something to do while I cool off...before taking my shower.

I'm starting to notice some small differences in the mirror. My face is thinner...my upper chest has some muscle showing up...my belly fat is starting to shrink a bit...and my legs are getting some of their muscle back. I even noticed my thighs rubbing together a couple days ago (that's opposed to them being so fat they just stayed plastered together so tightly that they couldn't move unless I took extra long, exaggerated steps).

September 6, 2006

Increased weight for today's upper body. Last week was okay...but not the intensity level that I should be doing. Today was closer...and I put a note in to increase on a couple more sets. That should be right about where I should be for now. I did get a pretty good work out this morning. And I've been keeping with my plan to add in 10 minutes of cardio on weight training days just to give my metabolism an extra boost.

The last couple days I've been cooking to get my meals ready. I sort of went overboard. I think I have enough for more than 2 weeks. But it's cool. At least I would have to worry about my meals planning me...lol.

September 5, 2006

Journal on the thumb drive now. So I can make entries from home too...or on the road. Monday came and went without me falling off the wagon. Heather and I had a bit of a fight over it though. I was trying to stay focused and I thought she was trying to derail me. Looking back on it, that was pretty silly. Heather has always supported me when I try to lose weight. It was just a big misunderstanding.

The last couple days have been pretty exhausting. I'm at the part of the diet where my metabolism is starting to get into high gear but my body isn't quite ready for all the activity yet. It's really weird. I get bored of sitting around pretty quickly. So I get up to do something...anything...and I'm really wearing my self out because I'm not used to all that activity anymore. I was up on the roof today cleaning out one of the gutters that had gotten clogged.

Stuff is starting to get done around the house. I've cooked enough food to last me a couple weeks...at least.

What I haven't been doing is playing video games. I'm sort of bored with World of Warcraft. I sign on just to do my auctions. Then I get off and do something else. If it keeps up like this, I might just close the accounts down. But the new expansion is coming out next month. So I might wait until then. If I'm not back in the mood to play, I'll drop out. At this point, I have so many other things I rather be doing.

Anyway...that's all for now.

September 2, 2006

I couldn't take it anymore...I weighed in. I had to! I needed to know how bad I had let it get. The good news is that I was pleasantly surprised. I'm at 280 which is 12 lbs down from my max weight. I’d thought my shirt was a bit loose

I went for a walk last night...a long one. I was a bucket of sweat when I got home. Surprised I'm not stiff today. Did cardio this morning.

The hard part is going to be Monday. That's when I always lose it. I feel crappy because of all the stuff I eat on my cheat day...and it's oh so easy to just slip back into the bad habits that I'm comfortable with.

You know...I should move my journal to my thumb drive... That way I could make entries from home too.

September 1, 2006

Did upper body today and topped it off with 10 minutes of high intense cardio. Great workout...I'm really feeling it.

I went back and read my journal from the beginning. Funny...I just seem to be losing ground. But at least I have documentation so I know why it happened. Hopefully, I will learn from my mistakes.

August 31, 2006

You know I almost hate to write in this thing again.

Okay...here's the deal. Every time I start getting some traction with this weight loss thing, I update my journal. And as soon as I do, I fall off the wagon...AGAIN.

It's like I'm jinxing it by writing it down. But I need this so I can keep track of the war. Speaking of which, I lost another battle. I was moving in the right direction and got derailed by Monday morning laziness. Which derailed my whole week...and the rest of the plan followed. So I'm back at the 290lb point. And I'm sick to death of the whole thing.

So this week when Monday rolled around, I got lazy again. But on Tuesday, I got going. Maybe that will be the secret for me. Maybe I need to start a thing on a Tuesday.

Anyway, I'm 3 days strong now. Alternating cardio and weight lifting. On weight days, I'm doing just 10 minutes of cardio...20 minutes on cardio days.

I'm adding Hot Rox to my plan. It might be my crutch. I've been on it for 3 days and it has really reduced my appetite. I'm still a bit nervous about using it. I've read a ton of testimonials and most are very positive...and the negative ones all contain terrible English. But so far so good for me. And when I used it before, it really helped.

So where am I now? Mildly depressed to be honest...not over so...just a bit. I've lost so much ground and I can't seem to keep my feet on the path that I want to walk. But now that I say it that way...I might have something there. I haven't been treating this as a path I want to walk. I've been focusing on the results...not the journey. I know better than that. I need to walk a path. Thing is, I know how to do it. I KNOW how to lose weight. I just don't do it...or I lose momentum after a time.

I can see it so clearly now. I'm trying to walk a path that for me is less traveled. So naturally it would be harder than just doing what I normally do. And it's easy to jump off my new path and land back on the one that got me here in the first place. So perhaps acknowledging this will help me to stay on track. Who knows? I guess I'll find out in a couple weeks. I'm not even going to weigh in for awhile. I don't want to have to face it.

For now, I'm feeling a bit weak...but very alert. I know this part of the path. This is the part where I reach for a cola to get a quick pick-me-up. But I have to remind myself that not only will I not get a pick-me-up from it anymore, the heaviness that comes with all that sugar will just make me more tired.

If I can get past that...then somewhere in week 2, I'll overcomplicate my plan by adding on too much too fast. I'll make a plan that is so rigid and complex that I'll have no choice but to fail. I must remember not to do that. I'll keep my planning to a minimum. If I need some tweaking after the first month, I'll do it then. For now, let's keep it simple.

I hate to say this...but I think I've found another motivation to keeping to the path. I've thought about this before but I've kept from writing it down because it's sort of rude. But here it is...

One of my coworkers is...let's call him David (not really his name). Anyway David is my future if I don't start dropping weight. He used to be an athlete like me. Now...well...I'm fat...but David crosses the line into morbid obesity...or the walking dead. I feel sorry for the guy. But there it is. If I don't get this turned around...I'm going to end up like him...then I'm going to die of some complication from being in that weight class. That's just horrible to say...but there it is.