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August 31, 2006

You know I almost hate to write in this thing again.

Okay...here's the deal. Every time I start getting some traction with this weight loss thing, I update my journal. And as soon as I do, I fall off the wagon...AGAIN.

It's like I'm jinxing it by writing it down. But I need this so I can keep track of the war. Speaking of which, I lost another battle. I was moving in the right direction and got derailed by Monday morning laziness. Which derailed my whole week...and the rest of the plan followed. So I'm back at the 290lb point. And I'm sick to death of the whole thing.

So this week when Monday rolled around, I got lazy again. But on Tuesday, I got going. Maybe that will be the secret for me. Maybe I need to start a thing on a Tuesday.

Anyway, I'm 3 days strong now. Alternating cardio and weight lifting. On weight days, I'm doing just 10 minutes of cardio...20 minutes on cardio days.

I'm adding Hot Rox to my plan. It might be my crutch. I've been on it for 3 days and it has really reduced my appetite. I'm still a bit nervous about using it. I've read a ton of testimonials and most are very positive...and the negative ones all contain terrible English. But so far so good for me. And when I used it before, it really helped.

So where am I now? Mildly depressed to be honest...not over so...just a bit. I've lost so much ground and I can't seem to keep my feet on the path that I want to walk. But now that I say it that way...I might have something there. I haven't been treating this as a path I want to walk. I've been focusing on the results...not the journey. I know better than that. I need to walk a path. Thing is, I know how to do it. I KNOW how to lose weight. I just don't do it...or I lose momentum after a time.

I can see it so clearly now. I'm trying to walk a path that for me is less traveled. So naturally it would be harder than just doing what I normally do. And it's easy to jump off my new path and land back on the one that got me here in the first place. So perhaps acknowledging this will help me to stay on track. Who knows? I guess I'll find out in a couple weeks. I'm not even going to weigh in for awhile. I don't want to have to face it.

For now, I'm feeling a bit weak...but very alert. I know this part of the path. This is the part where I reach for a cola to get a quick pick-me-up. But I have to remind myself that not only will I not get a pick-me-up from it anymore, the heaviness that comes with all that sugar will just make me more tired.

If I can get past that...then somewhere in week 2, I'll overcomplicate my plan by adding on too much too fast. I'll make a plan that is so rigid and complex that I'll have no choice but to fail. I must remember not to do that. I'll keep my planning to a minimum. If I need some tweaking after the first month, I'll do it then. For now, let's keep it simple.

I hate to say this...but I think I've found another motivation to keeping to the path. I've thought about this before but I've kept from writing it down because it's sort of rude. But here it is...

One of my coworkers is...let's call him David (not really his name). Anyway David is my future if I don't start dropping weight. He used to be an athlete like me. Now...well...I'm fat...but David crosses the line into morbid obesity...or the walking dead. I feel sorry for the guy. But there it is. If I don't get this turned around...I'm going to end up like him...then I'm going to die of some complication from being in that weight class. That's just horrible to say...but there it is.


Blogger Robert said...

This comment is to anyone that goes back and reads my archives. THIS POST was the turning point. This is where I finally started putting it all together.

January 13, 2008 at 2:10 PM  

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